The Home ‘Breakover’ and how I needed one to help me heal.
Like many young girls growing up I dreamt of meeting my handsome prince and living happily ever after and for a while I really felt like I had accomplished that and so much more. I was 35 and had a charming husband, lovely house, two healthy and intelligent young boys and a job that fitted in with mum life perfectly.
All that came crashing down when I discovered my husband was having an affair. After deciding to separate officially it took two years before my ex moved out of the family home. My beautiful family home- where I had brought both my children home to when they were born, where my ex and I had shared so many happy (or so I thought happy) memories and where my entire life was based.
As soon as he moved out, I felt such a strong sense of wanting change. After all- he had had the affair and I had to stay living under the same roof, within the same walls, looking at the same ceiling that I had when I was happily married and also when I was devastated, and divorce was looming. My ex got out- he had the change but for me I was just stuck. I also needed to buy new things as my ex had taken the sofas and the TV.
Right that was the decision made. I could have just bought a new sofa and TV, but I wanted to change the whole lounge- no I ‘needed’ to change the whole lounge. Truth be told I wanted to change the entire house, but finances wouldn’t allow that just yet. Moving out wasn’t an option either as my children loved their home and I felt like they had had enough upheaval already from their innocent young lives. So, I looked at the priorities first. The lounge as my boys and I spent most of our time there and my bedroom- which is self-explanatory.
That’s when I started to get excited about my new home, my new life- I spent hours scrolling images, searching for new wallpaper, colour schemes. From what I thought had been a beautiful home I realised it didn’t serve me anymore, so I went from bright orange floral wallpaper in my lounge to a more calming cream and beige stripe and from a brown and dark green floral in the bedroom to a lovely light aqua. I had the ceilings made flat- something I’d always wanted to have done but was forever told ‘it’s a waste of money’ well I can now tell you that that was money most definitely well spent. It’s strange really how just by having the ceilings made smooth how much bigger and calmer the rooms looked. I spent days dragging my boyfriend Matt to various furniture stores searching for the perfect sofa and new bed. I had had a leather sofa previously so naturally I now wanted fabric and again I wanted something cosy that again portrayed the calm feeling I wanted to create around my home.
Next was the carpet, once again I chose a beautiful plush grey carpet but as soon as my eyes turned to carpet, I knew I needed to get all of the carpet in my house replaced. I didn’t want the ‘old’ carpet. Too many footsteps had walked over it, too many memories for it to stay. It’s amazing how cathartic changing your home after a divorce can be. I totally fell in love with the process of looking at designs that were for ‘me’ I had complete control of what I changed, how much I spent and what overall feeling I wanted to create. I also felt so proud of what I had achieved. I involved my children in the decorating process and whilst they were reluctant to change anything at first, they absolutely loved the new look of their home. I did come up against some resistance from my ex due to the fact our divorce wasn’t finalised and legally he still owned the house too but I sought legal advice and as all I was doing was bettering the house, he didn’t have a leg to stand on.
It’s been four years since my ex has moved out and my home isn’t completely where I want it to be yet but it’s a journey and I am loving the process. Especially how good it has been for my mental health. Coming home to a home that is just ‘my boys and I’s’ and has no memories of when we were a family of four has made such a huge difference to my inner peace and happiness. I can’t quite explain the feelings I had when I finally sat in my lounge and it looked completely different, but I guess it felt like freedom. Freedom from the pain of separation. Freedom from the pain of a life no longer recognisable. Freedom to be me. If you have been though a similar experience to me then I whole heartedly recommend the ‘home breakover’ the home makeover with a difference. The difference to give yourself permission to live again, to smile again and to know that everything’s going to be alright.